Twahna, founder of the Butterfly Society, a grassroots organisation raising awareness of domestic violence

I was a sophomore in college. I fell in love with a wonder guy, my prince charming. It was the perfect relationship – until one day I felt his hand on my face. He said, “Bitch if you had kept mouth closed, it wouldn’t have happened.”

I fell in love with a wonder guy, my prince charming

From that moment, my life was turned upside down. I was mentally, emotionally and sexually abused. He degraded me, he talked about me being overweight, and he stripped me of all of my power. I began to question my self-worth, self-confidence, and my true purpose in life. I thought of committing suicide many times. It was a way out for me.

I told no one in the beginning. I was too embarrassed and ashamed to share what I was going through – my family and friends adored him. He isolated me from my support system, those who loved and cared for me dearly. Lines of communication with family and friends were limited. He monitored my every move.

Eventually I built up enough courage and strengthen to tell a relative.  She said, “I believe you. You deserve better. What can I do to help?”

I left him and went to live with her for a while, but my abuser convinced me to return to him. He swore that he would seek counselling, an anger management program, but he never did. He said all the right things to get me back in his possession. I believed him with all of my heart. I gave in to another chance. 

Change never came. One day he put his hands around my neck and began strangling me. It was like he was possessed. He said to me, “I will kill you if you every leave again”. I saw myself dying at his hands.

I woke up and a voice said me, “today’s the day you leave”.

I went to bed that night and prayed. I heard this soft spoken voice in my ear and I knew it was voice of God. The next morning, I woke up and the voice said to me, “today’s the day you leave”. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I told him I was leaving for work and gave him a kiss goodbye. I hid behind a building across from our apartment building and when I saw him get into his car I returned to the apartment to gather my things. I never went back!!

It was the  scariest time of my life. Starting over without him was very challenging, but I pressed forward determined to live again. I got busy volunteering at a local shelter and speaking out against domestic violence in some uncomfortable spaces. 

I began dating again, and decided to return to university. I had the opportunity to share my story with a gathering of young women an event remembering those who had lost their lives due to domestic violence. That night my story impacted several of the women and I realized my story could inspire me.

One person can’t do this alone. It takes many hands and many voices

The Butterfly Society came to be through my personal journey. We’re a grassroots organization – boots on the ground, meeting people where they are. We go to barbershops, neighbourhood schools, and churches. We aim to educate, empower and engage the community.

There’s still so much work to be done and it’s up to us as a team to make an impact. One person can’t do this alone. It takes many hands and many voices to do this work.

#useyourvoice

Brandie’s story

Brandie, a domestic violence survivor and activist for VOICES of Acadiana, a network of survivors raising awareness

We were married at 18, had three children and stayed together for nearly 15 years. I didn’t realize what I was in an abusive marriage.

After we divorced, he always knew where I was. Once my co-worker texted me and said, ‘He is down the street just sitting in his company vehicle’. The police escorted me back to my office.

I took out a protective order against my ex. A couple of weeks later, he left the severed leg of a pig in our boys’ diaper bag with a note saying that the boys wanted it as a souvenir. He had gone hunting and cut off the leg. There was blood all over it.

I didn’t realize I was in an abusive marriage

Even with the protective order in place, he stalked and harassed me. I was still too scared to call the police. He barged into my house and threatened to kill himself, to kill other people. I had entered a new relationship and that made things 10 times worse. Those few years after leaving were hell. I was unaware that I could renew my protective order, so it expired.

After getting remarried and divorced twice, my ex got engaged again. His new fiancé filed for a protective order because he was abusing her and she was scared for her life. She asked me if I would go to the hearing to testify about past abuse.

Using my voice to break the silence against domestic violence was difficult but getting my life back has been worth it!

She had approached his second and third wives as well, so we came together to take a united stand. When he heard we were all there along with two other witnesses, he dropped the petition he had filed for a reciprocal protective order.

My ex had been acting aggressively towards my kids for years, and judging from the escalating violence with other women, I knew that my children needed protection. I met with the staff attorney at Faith House and we filed for sole custody. It was traumatic going through it all again, but the judge ruled in my favor and now I have sole custody of my kids, and a permanent protective order for us all.

Since then, I co-founded VOICES of Acadiana. Our mission is to advocate for victims of domestic violence by actively working towards systems change, educating and raising awareness around domestic violence and survivor outreach to break the generational cycle of abuse.

Using my voice to break the silence against domestic violence was difficult but getting my life back has been worth it!